Picking My Brain 06-11-02

I've been up for nearly twenty hours, so as we see what we can pick out of my brain today, I'd wear gloves if I were you.

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"It's the first day of November sweeps, and I'm pregnant." - Stephen Colbert, opening to his 11/01/06 show

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What is wrong with Pat Buchanan? He was just blathering away on Scarborough last night and, well, I'm beginning to wonder if he ever leaves that room he's always talking from. He just seems so out of touch with real America. I don't really want to go into what he said last night because I would have to wait for the transcript to get it exactly right. I remember he began just about every answer with his hands going into his about-yea-big pose. After that, my eyes glazed, When his lips stopped moving I was able to re-focus. Why is he always squinting? He looks worried. Why does he always look so worried? Oh, yeah, because white people won't be the majority soon, and that scares the shit out of him.

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Somebody tell O'Reilly to just go away and shut the fuck up! He doesn't listen to me. He's going on to all these talk shows and brow-beating the hosts with his patented straw man, "Do you want America to win the war in Iraq or not?" Naturally if you don't immediately answer "Yes", he starts berating you. Letterman answered him perfectly when O'Reilly said, "It's a simple question, Dave." Dave said, "No it's not because I'm a thoughtful person." You see, O'Reilly lives in a fantasy world where everything is crystal clear and your path so obvious. It is not a reality-based world, the reality-based world has more colors and textures than O'Reilly's, as well as depth. Way more depth. O'Reilly doesn't like to dig deep into issues because his "gut feelings" would likely prove wrong too often. I won't say he'd be proven wrong every time, because he does from time to time come out on the right side of an issue. Like capital punishment. He opposes capital punishment. It's just that sometimes he arrives at the right answer but for the wrong reasons. Like capital punishment. He opposes it because it's not harsh enough. Maybe he prefers "near-fatal" punishment. For life. I don't know.

Katherine Harris? Spock called. He wants his eyebrows back. She is so obviously oblivious to her own obvious obliviousness. (huh?)
[Announcer: And now we'll get the call from head ref Mike Carey.
Head Referee Mike Carey: Upon further review, that sentence makes sense.]

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"We weren't in Iraq when they attacked us September 11, 2001." - George W. Bush, Campaigning on Oct 31, 2006.



Okay.



I'm still trying to understand what that means.



I think the "they" means "the terrorists".



So, no, of course we weren't in Iraq on September 11, 2001, unless you count the pilots enforcing the no-fly zones.



Unless, by "they" he meant "Iraq".



But Iraq didn't attack us September 11, 2001.



I'm still trying to understand what that means.



The audience seemed to enjoy the line; they applauded heartily.



I guess they understand him better than I do.



As my sister would say, "Jesus wept."

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It is WAY past my bedtime, and I have to get to sleep befo r e i fa l sdtigzlie