Though I am heart, a rock and roll man, I have enjoyed a few famous country and western songs, and one of them has been Marty Robbins’ “El Paso.” It’s a nice little melody and I’ve always liked it. So, naturally, I decided to use it in a song parody. This one is, I have to say, pure fantasy. Unlike some of my other songs which are rooted in truth, this one is admittedly unfounded. It’s based on the rumors of an affair between President George Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. And of Bush's documented inarticulation when trying to speak Spanish. (Yes, "Casa Blanca is the correct spelling, but do you think Bush would know that? Besides, I needed the "o" sound for some rhymes, so there!) I took the original ballad’s story and turned it into Bush’s frustration of being in love with two women, and not letting one of them find out. (Hint: one of them already knew about the wife.) And I have no idea in the world if George Bush ever owned a private plane. But I figured this nation's tax dollars paid for his flight training, so he might as well get some use out of it. I happily confess that it is just totally silly, but I needed to get it out of my brain. Now it will be stuck in yours. No backsies! But please enjoy.
Original Words & Music “El Paso”, by Marty Robbins
New Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider ©2007
Out in the west Texas ranch Casa Blanco
I fell in love with an African girl.
August would find me in Crawford relaxing.
Aides would come in and Condeezza would whirl.
Blacker than night was the skin of Condeezza.
Wicked and evil, the kind I knew well.
My love was deep for this African doctor;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.
One day a PDB memo came in
Told me bin Laden would strike.
This wasn’t good news
Or something I could use.
This was in fact something
I did not like.
So in anger I
Told him his ass was now covered so leave here.
Down went his gaze toward the shoes that he wore.
My order was answered in less than a heartbeat.
The frightened young intern was way out the door.
Just for a moment I stood there in silence.
Shocked by the bountiful news I now bore.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was ignore.
Out to my back yard in Crawford I ran
Out where my Cessna was tied.
I bought a good one.
It looked like some good fun.
Up in the air
And away I did ride,
Just as fast as I
Could from the West Texas ranch Casa Blanco
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.
In Casa Blanco my wife would go loco.
Marriage is gone and she just might have left.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen the young doctor
My love is stronger than by fear of death
I suited up and away I did go,
Flying alone in the dark
She’ll finally catch me.
Tonight’s nothing worse than this
Pain in my heart.
And at last here I
Am on approach to my own Casa Blanco;
I can see Crawford down left and below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Out of the plane to Condeezza I go.
Off to my right I see five Secret Service;
Off to my left stand a dozen or more.
Shouting and yelling I can’t let them catch me.
I have to make it to my own back door.
Some thing is dreadfully wrong for I hear
A deep burning scream from my side
Though I am trying
To find my young doctor
I’m getting nervous
Unable to hide
But my love for
Condeezza is strong and I rise to the challenge,
Though I am horny and might bust a nut.
I see the white ball of fist from my wife’s hand.
I feel the right hook go deep in my gut.
From out of nowhere Condeezza has found me,
Kissing my cheek like the day she was hired.
Caught between two loving women I’ll die for,
One little kiss and Condeezza, you’re fired.