Use Your Ass (A Song Parody)

It's the future. Sen Hillary Rodham Clinton has won the nomination of the Democratic Party. Well, she walked away with it, let's say. But her problem is the people she has running her campaign. They're the same-old-same-old, and they will lose this election for her if she doesn't watch out. She needs to find a team that doesn't resort to the kind of campaign tricks you see from the Republicans. Otherwise, her story could end up like this.

It's set to the tune of Eminem's "Lose Yourself". (Great song, by the way.) To help you follow the song, here is a link to a YouTube video in which someone has captioned the song juxtaposed with a series of sometimes comical pictures. Much hilarity ensues. (No, seriously, it's actually pretty cool and if you're not familiar with the song - it did win an Academy Award (tm) - then this video really helps to follow it. As a suggestion, open a second browser for the video, and resize the two windows so that you can watch the video and follow the lyrics. If you don't know how to do all that, then please enjoy the lyrics and put on a CD.)

And, as usual, I have to thank Jane for her help with this.

"Lose Yourself", by Marshall Mathers. (link to a video)

Use Your Ass
Original Music and Lyrics, "Lose Yourself", by Marshall Mathers
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

spoken
Look,
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To be president of the U.S.
One moment
Would you capture it,
Or just let it slip?

music
Yo, her plans are ready,
Themes tweaked, coffers heavy
There's paper on her sweater already, more confetti,
She's laughing, but to the staffing
She looks cool and steady
To stomp John, but she keep's on forgetting
What they wrote down, with this crowd's not allowed
She opens her mouth but the truth don't come out
She's groping, how everybody's moping now,
The craps' come out, game's up, over! PLOW!
Snap back with depravity, Oh,
There goes sanity, Oh,
There goes Hillary, stoked
She's so mad but she won't
Give up that easy, no
She won't have it, she knows
There's no facts to these quotes
It don't matter she notes
She knows that but it's broke
It's so flagrant that she knows
When she goes back to this moment
Blown that's when it's back
To the lab again, yo
This whole strategy
She better go capture this moment and hope it don't collapse on her

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

The truth's escaping, through this run that I'm shaping
This job is mine for the taking
Make me queen, as we move toward a free trade border
An honest life is boring, but Super Wal-mart's close to no honor
It's only more fodder, it only grows hotter
She knows it's all out there, the pros are all on her
Post-debate shows she's known as the Hope Stopper
Lonely roads, God only knows,
She goes farther from home, she's no plodder
She goes cold and barely knows what they taught her
But hold your nose cause here goes, she's Goldwater
Her pros don't want her no mo, she's cold product
They moved on to the old schmoe who flows
His nose glowed, he told nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

No more games, I'ma change what you call strange
Tear this motherfucking staff up like two dogs caged
I was winning in the beginning but the vote all changed
I've been called out, spun up, and booed on-stage
But I kept chiming and check-writin the next cypher
Best believe Bubba's been paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my jive
And hide that I can't provide
The right type of life
Or identity, 'cause man,
These goddam new pants don't hide diapers
And it's no movie, I'm no Michelle Pfeiffer
This is my life and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder trying to keep
And work on my speed, plus teach
A daughter caught up between seeing a father
And his prima donna baby mama drama's screaming on
And too much for me
To wanna stay in one job,
Another day of lobotomy has gotten
Me to the point, I'm on the trail I've got
To instigate a plot
Or end up in jail or shot
Winning is my only motherfucking option, losing's not
Bill, I love you, but this Senate's got
To go I cannot grow old in Chappaqua
So here I go with my shot.
Words fail me not
This maybe the only opportunity that I got

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

They're gonna use your ass 'til you lose it, this moment,
They own it, you bet they'll never let it go
They're gonna use cheap shots and plots, make a fancy show
The insincerity grows once in the limelight

spoken
You can do anything you set your mind to, man