Picking My Brain 08-02-01

So I'm watching the political coverage of the Democrats on MSNBC last night and Craig "Aaaaaa-ggggh" Crawford says that a dream ticket for the Democrats would be "an Obama-Clinton, or Clinton-Obama ticket, depending on who's on top...and who's the running mate." I'm so glad he remembered to add "...and who's the running mate," because it looked for a moment like he might not. And if he left that part off, well, we are talking about a man and a woman here...

If extra-terrestrial beings were in orbit studying our planet and deciding on which country they should make first contact with, do you think that if they took a look at the Bush Administration, the United States would be their first choice? Me, neither.

An old favorite joke by stand-up comedian John Mendoza: I think every car should come with a cell phone, and the phone number would be your license plate. That way, I could call you up and say, "Would you mind getting the fuck out of my way?"

Media Matters has decided to launch a The Matthews Monitor to keep an eye on the often-rambling MSNBC host of "Hardball". Seems he has a "long history of degrading, sexist commentary". He also has this weird tendency to lapse into some kind of man-crush speak on some of the Republican candidates, like Romney and McCain. Anyway, I think it's time someone was paying attention to the things that man says. I'm not bringing this up because I want you to donate money or anything. That's entirely up to you. (I say that because they do have a place for donations there, but you can ignore it.) But Chris Matthews is a very influential Washington Political Commentator, and he represents the so-called "elites" of the political talk scene. If he wants the answer to a certain question, he can be relentless about going after people who might have the answers he wants. But only if it continues to interest him. So he has to be reminded when he strays from the important topics, and when he makes his patented sexist remarks.

That's all that seems to be floating around my noggin to night. If there are storms where you are, please be careful. We had an ice storm pass through here that, luckily, wasn't too severe. Could have been worse. So, as Sgt Esterhaus reminded everyone on Hill Street Blues, "Let's be careful out there."

Picking My Brain 07-11-04

I'm concerned that the Mets are going to go after A-Rod. (That's Alex Rodriguez, a third baseman, and the highest paid player in baseball. If the Yankees wanted to keep him, they would have to fork over $350,000,000. (Did you know that the only reason his contract with the Yankees was as high as it was is because he insisted that he wanted to get paid twice as much as the next highest paid player? And now he thinks he deserves more?) I don't want him to wear a Mets uniform next year. Can he deliver on the home runs and RBIs? Of course he can, I have no doubt of that in my mind. It's just that he's not a team player, he's just a hired gun. And I don't think any player is worth that much money, especially when he chokes in the post season. A-Rod's post-season performance has been historically lacking. And the goal is to win the World Series, not just get ot the playoffs. The Mets should concentrate instead on fixing their pitching propblem, especially in the bullpen. We'll see what happens when the Winter Meetings come along.

I find it hard to believe that the nominee to be our nation's next Attorney General not only refuses to acknowledge that the interrogation technique known as "waterboarding" is torture (as several former Judge Advocates General said in a letter to Senate Judiciary Committe Chairman Pat Leahy), but that the Senate will likely confirm him thanks to such numbnuts as Sen Diane Feinstein and Sen Chuck Schumer (my own Senator). Just because the guy is from New York and was recommended by Schumer himself to the president is no excuse to stick by him anyway. The guy's clearly trying to keep the Bush Administration in the clear using bogus logic. He's using circular reasoning. "We don't torture. If waterboarding is torture, then we don't do it because we don't torture. But I can't tell you if waterboarding is torture." But when pressed if waterboarding was itself torture, he would respond, "If it is torutre, then we don't do it, because we don't torture." But notice that he's not saying we don't torture. (BTW, those are not precise quotes, just paraphrases of his reasoning. He may have actually said something close to that, but that's the gist.) Of course, if we truly never did waterboard anyone during our interrogations, then it would have very simple to say, "Waterboarding very definitely is torture, and we don't do it because it is." But he didn't. He said that if it is torture, then we're not doing it. That's not the same. Call your Senators and ask them to block this nomination, even though Bush would just recess appoint him anyway. Let him. Let it be another albatross around the Republicans' necks.

Finally, Barry Bonds, the man who used performance-enhancing drugs to break Hank Aaron's all-time MLB Home Run record told an interviewer that he would not go to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony if they display his record-breaking baseball with the asterisk branded on it by the man who bought it on e-bay and asked the fans what to do with it. He still feels that he did nothing wrong, and that he did not use any illegal substances. He has admitted that he has used a substance which he says was flaxseed oil, but that is only what the guy who gave it to him said it was, and Bonds didn't question it. Other players, however, who were given the same substance knew it was illegal. Bonds' ignorance was willful but not exculpatory. The record is still tainted, and Bonds is living in denial if he thinks otherwise.

My own feeling? Sure, induct him into the Hall of Fame, but only after he's dead. Same as for Pete Rose. Keep Rose's "lifetime ban" just that - his entire lifetime. Once Rose dies, they can put a plaque in there for him, too. But neither man should live to see the day when they are honored by being placed into the Hall of Fame. If we're lucky, maybe both men's accomplishments will have been surpassed by the time they die, and there won't be any need to induct them.

Picking My Brain 07-10-27

I had to remind myself that whenever I want to smile, I just have to imagine George Stephanopoulos hosting This Week, and he has guests Robert Reich and Madeliene Albright, and the three of them are sitting in huge oversized chairs, so their legs all dangle down the front but come nowhere the near the floor. Like Edith Ann, from Laugh-In. Try it. I guarantee it will make you smile.

Talk about irony. When Ellen Degeneres had a sitcom, she had talked to everyone involved with the show about having Ellen's character (herself, more or less) finally come out of the closet. When one of the network executives heard about this, he said, "Why can't she just get a puppy?" So, Ellen's staff decided to refer to the episode in which Ellen's character comes out as, "The Puppy." Then she got into all that trouble over giving away a puppy.

Rudy Giuliani's divorce from Donna Hanover didn't happen until July 2002. Remember that famous stunt when his cell phone rang during the middle of a speech, and he tried to pretend it wasn't set up? Remember how he said that "ever since 9/11" he and Judith would call each other to say, "I love you." I hate to say it, but "Ever since 9/11"? He was still married to Donna Hanover at the time. (In fairness, I guess I should point out that he had already announced that he was separating from Hanover in May of 2001. She learned about it at the same time we all did, as Rudy announced it at a press conference before telling her. Republican values for you.)

Picking My Brain 07-07-06

It's President George W. Bush's birthday today. I'll say the same thing as I do about my own birthday. Who gives a shit? Really.

If you really, really, really love that "Dramatic Look" video, follow the link. You'll either thank me later, or curse me. In any case, you're welcome.

I have to confess that I am going to miss Stargate SG-1. I liked that show. It was smart and funny, and it put forth an image of "man's place in the universe" that fits in with my own. That we are just one voice in a chorus of thousands upon thousands. I may have some personal differences about some of the extra-terrestrials along the way, but all-in-all, it was a good show. And its spin-off series, Stargate Atlantis, has been picking up nicely with its story lines. I also highly recommend Eureka. And Heroes on NBC. These are all good shows.

If you missed David Shuster's excellent Hardballing of Fouad Ajami, you can catch it at C&L here. So, according to something I read here, this Mr. Ajami was one of the people who helped shape the argument that persuaded the top officials in the administration that Saddam had to go, he had to go now, and we should prepare for a “two-generation war”. And he got upset because he was misunderstood? Sorry, pal. You deserve to be called out on your lies every time you open your mouth in public. Way to go, David. Put me on the list of people who would rather see David Shuster host Hardball than Chris Matthews.

Picking My Brain 07-06-03

Little Known Fun Factoid
In none of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes mysteries does any character ever utter the famous phrase, “No shit, Sherlock.”

The History Channel
I know they show movies that have some relation to history, such as “Patton” and “The Longest Day”. But why do they show the movie “The Planet of the Apes”? That wasn’t part of our history, was it?

Are There Any Standards?
I've been listening to news reports of the lengths the people in the Bush administration went to to circumvent their constitutional responsibilities and I have to wonder: Is protecting themselves from being held accountable for their actions the only thing that motivates them?

My brain's starting to hurt on account of I haven't been picking at it this hard in so long, so I'm going to stop this one right here. Thinking's hard. It's hard work.

Picking My Brain 06-11-16

The Senate Republicans, what's going to be left of them in the next Congress, have selected Trent Lott (R-MS) as their "Minority Whip". Considering Lott's glowing testimonial to Strom Thurmond's failed segregationist presidential campaign, you'd think they would come up with a different name for this position, even if it's only as long as he holds it. "Irony" now joins "Conflict of Interest" and "Hypocrisy" on the List of Things Republicans Don't Understand.

-------

CNN was promoting a Paula Zahn show/special about the dangers of furniture that, it appears, goes up in flames very quickly. Many people are killed or injured each year and she asked, "Could federal safety standards prevent it?" Am I to understand that there are no federal fire safety standards covering the spot I park my ass in to watch TV each night? Hmmm, better watch what I eat.

-------

The Dow finished at another high today. For some reason, I was reminded of the phrase "irrational exhuberance."

-------

Bay Buchanan is on CNN while her brother Pat is on MSNBC. (Yes, that Pat, and they're siblings.) Isn't there a law against that? If not, let's make it the first one the 110th Congress passes.

-------

After observing that the word "crap" was used nine times [I counted ten] in his exclusive interview with Rep Jack Murtha, Matthews going to commercial quipped, "We'll be back with more of this crap" after this. Good one.

-------

What kind of bullshit is this? According to Insight Magazine(I might have that wrong; if so, I'll find the link later) Karl "The High School Babe Magnet - Not" Rove will be kept on at the White House because "he knows too much" and that the president didn't need another memoir out there about life inside the White House. This is unacceptable! I do not want him on the taxpayer's payroll. Fire him!

-------

Jon Stewart referred to CNN's Rick Sanchez (the guy who let himself get tasered) as "The George Plimpton of Self Abuse."

Picking My Brain 06-11-14

CNN was promoting a special called "Combat Hospital". Wolf is saying, "You won't want to miss it!" CNN has a warning, "Viewer discretion advised." Doesn't "viewer discretion advised" mean, "You might want to miss it!" Do they pay any attention to what they say, or are they just on automatic pilot? (Not that I meant to offend any automatic pilots out there.)

-------

When CNN comes back from commercials during their political talk shows, they often have an overhead view of the Capitol or White House. To me, it sends the message, "CNN: Stalking our government so you don't have to."

-------

Pat Buchanan said, in comparing George W. Bush and his father George H.W. Bush to Alexander the Great and his father Philip of Macedon, "if you will."

I won't.

-------

Why don't Republicans understand the meaning of hypocrisy? This idiot guest on Scarborough, Bob Kohn, actually compared Bill Maher "outing" Ken Mehlman to a WWII Jew working for the Nazis. Excuse me while I make comical gurgling sounds and shake my head back and forth really fast, "Huh?" Did he not listen to why Maher said that? The political party which Ken Mehlman led often ran on platforms that denied gay people some basic civil rights. If he is gay (and I think he is, but that's just my opinion), then it would be the height of hypocrisy for him to allow his party to do that. And that gives Maher, or anyone else, the right to expose him. Republicans understand the meaning of "hypocrisy" as well as they understand the meaning of "conflict of interest".

-------

Tippy won't let me write any more tonight. He insists on sitting in my lap. We'll have to pick my brain another time.

Picking My Brain 06-11-12

Guaranteeing you nothing since 2006!

-------

Barbara Walters:“Isn’t it all – so much of it – about oil? Shouldn’t we be changing our energy policy?”
Bush:“The war on terror has nothing to do with oil.” - December 13, 2002,Speaking to Barbara Walters of ABC News during a White House interview

-------

MSNBC tease: "When we come back, Congress will be investigating the White House. Will it be a witch hunt?" Why? Has someone noticed evidence of Witchcraft?

-------

Why can't people who want to drive the same speed as the people in the lane next to them just get in the lane next to them? And when they finally move over and get the fuck out of my way, do they then have to speed up?

-------

Why am I seeing talk of the possibility of Israel launching a strike at Iran? For the record, I will not support "defending" Israel if they start a war. Let them fight their own battles. They've been throwing their military around because warhawks in our government have been not only letting them, but encouraging them, throughout their existence. When are people in the Middle East, ALL of them, going to learn that violence doesn't solve problems? It only brings about more violence. It's true: War is not healthy for children and other living things.

-------

I've been noticing that almost every commercial I see on TV for new drugs tell you to tell your doctor if you have certain problems. Bill Maher noticed this and quipped, "If you have to tell your doctor what's wrong with you, hasn't your doctor, at this point, just become a drug dealer?" And he's right, because "your" doctor is supposed to be telling you what's wrong with you, not the other way around? It's like they're saying, "Go find a doctor and tell him you want this drug, but make sure you tell him everything that's wrong with you first. Because, you know, it's not like he's going to give you any kind of examination or anything."

-------

Need more evidence that Bush has a hard time dealing with the truth? Remember what he and his minions kept saying all through the campaigns? If the Democrats win, so will the terrorists. It was pretty clear. So what does Bush say to the world when the Democrats do win? Don't think that just because the Democrats have come in that we're going to lose now. Which group of people was he telling the truth to, us or the terrorists?

Picking My Brain 06-11-09

Happy.

-------

When I first heard that Rumsfeld was stepping down, I immediately said that if they had done this a week ago, the Republicans might have kept both Houses. I still believe that.

-------

Britney Spears announced she is filing for divorce from Kevin Federline. All I can say is, "Won't somebody think of the children?"

-------

AP: JIM WEBB WINS VICTORY IN VIRGINIA SENATE RACE was quickly changed to AP: JIM WEBB(D) UNSEATS SEN. GEORGE ALLEN(R) IN VIRGINIA. Good, because I was trying to figure out what you win, other than victory.

-------

Rush Limbaugh said he was relieved the Democrats took both Houses because he was "tired of carrying water for people who didn't deserve to have their water carried." Wow. It'll be interesting to see what happens to his ratings now. Will he lose more loyal dittoheads than the liberals he'll gain who'll want to see where he goes from here? Your answer in 250 words or less. You have three hours. Begin now.

-------

And what are all those poor people who go to liberal blogs to parrot Rush Limbaugh's talking points going to do now? Continue doing it?

-------

NBC has now declared Jim Webb(D) the winner in Virginia, and that George Allen(R) is said to be disinclined to demand a recount. That means the Dems sweep both Houses and get Rumsfeld fired. The Senate will now consist of 49 Democrats, 49 Republicans, 1 Socialist, and 1 Connecticut-for-Liebermaniac.

-------

It's been quite an emotional ride, and I'm exhausted. But I am happy.

Picking My Brain 06-11-08

Jane and I voted. Did you?

-------

"I thought we were gonna do fine yesterday. Shows you what I know." George W. Bush during today's press conference.

-------

It looks like the studio lights are really bright where Chris Matthews is on Election night. He looks squinty, and more beady-eyed than usual.

-------

Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum is defeated by Bob "Man on Not Dog" Casey!

-------

They're saying "the blue is getting bluer." Maybe next time we can help make "the green get greener." More alternative party candidates are needed. It isn't always "us or them, take it or leave it."

-------

Howard Dean promised that their priorities include "a wage bill, ethics reform in Washington, middle class tax fairness, down payment or move toward universal healthcare."

-------

This is hilarious. Matthews is saying that one race was "too close to call." There were zero votes tallied at that point. Yup, looks like a squeaker.

-------

Well, for the first time in who knows how many years, there will be two members of the Senate who are neither Democrats nor Republicans. Granted, they are left-of-center and left-of-left, but they are also free of party rule. Lieberman is the head of the Connecticut for Lieberman Party and Sanders is head of the Socialist Party in the Senate.

-------

Rick Santorum is about to concede. He began with dignity and class. Thanked God. The kids are bawling their eyes out. Says he's looking forward to spending more time with his family. As MSNBC cut away, Santorum was conceding graciously, and I applaud him for that. Good luck in your new life, Rick. Go ahead and stay there in Virginia, I mean, Pennsylvania.

-------

Now, can someone explain to me what use Karl Rove's counsel is to the president? In addition to losing the House, let's not forget his failed efforts at reconstructing the twice-hurricane-ravaged Mississippi Gulf Coast.

-------

Jon Stewart: The democrats' strategy waas slowly backing out of the room while their brother gets yelled at for burning down the garage.

-------

It's 12:45 AM. It's been pretty much conceded that the Democrats have won the House of Representatives. Come January, this nation will have its first female Speaker of the House. She will have attained the highest office of any woman in history. Congratulations Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi.

-------

At last count, with 97% of the precincts reporting, our candidate for US Representative, Democrat John Hall, was ahead 51%-49%. We are keeping our fingers crossed. We are hoping that the late precincts are Democratic, but I don't know, as I have no internet at home.

-------

It's 1 AM and three key states still have to be decided: Montana, Missouri, and Virginia. The Democratic candidate leads in all three, with Webb up by 2,726 votes and 99% counted (that one will likely trigger a virtually automatic recount); McCaskill is up by about 14,000 with 80% reporting; and Tester leads by about the same amount but with only about 35% reporting. Since Dems need all three at this point, and Virginia's result will be delayed, it's going to be a rough couple of weeks.

-------

It's 1:22 AM and as we watched results on C-SPAN (because MSNBC kept going from the House results to pointless graphics) showed Democrat John Hall winning 52%-48% with 96% reporting over incumbent Republican Sue Kelly. They put a check mark next to his name, and I've seen close races where they didn't, so I'm assuming it means they've projected him as the winner! WE WON!!! WOO-HOO!! (please be right)

-------

Around 1:34 AM MSNBC projected John Hall as the winner of the NY-19th! We did it! I am so happy, and I am even happier for Jane. This was the first campaign for which either of us (her in this case, I just wrote a check) actually did someting about an election. She volunteered for his campaign during the primaries. It was her first actual participation in politics besides voting. And her guy won! Congratulations, Honey.

-------

Is it time to fire Karl Rove yet?

-------

Wednesday morning, 3 AM (where have I heard that before?) They've called Missouri for Claire McCaskill, and are getting ready to call Montana for Tester. They want to, but are holding back. They are also hinting that Jim Webb might pick up more votes in the absentee and provisional ballots.

-------

Oh, yeah, I need to mention this: Congratulations to Chris Matthews for correcting a common Republican/conservative/pro-life talking point that's been out there for fourteen years. Bob Casey, Sr., refused to endorse the Clinton/Gore ticket, and endorsement of the ticket was a requirement to speak at the 1992 Democratic Convention. It is not true that he was denied a chance to speak because of his pro-life views. They have got to stop perpetuating that lie, and they know it's a lie.

-------

It's 12:38 PM on Wed, Nov 8th, and Norah O'Donnell of MSNBC is asking former DNC Chair Terry MaCauliffe if Sen Hillary Clinton is running in 2008. I know she said she wasn't looking past this senate race, but it's been less than twenty-four hours. Everyone? Can you at least give Hillary a chance to savor last night's victory, perhaps even actually serve one or two days of her second term, before asking if she's going to bail on New Yorkers and run in '08?

-------

MSNBC has just called Montana for Democrat John Tester! Woo-hoo! That makes 49 Republicans, 48 Democrats, 1 Socialist, and 1 Connecticut-For-Liebermaniac.

-------

BREAKING NEWS! Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is resigning! Another one bites the dust. And another one gone, another one gone, another one bites the dust! Hey, they gonna get Rove, too? Another one bites the dust?

-------

I love technical difficulties during live events. In the middle of the president's press conference, as Bush was speaking a loud bleeeep came out on the audio so that it came out, "I spoke to the vice president and he said, 'bleeeeeeeeeeeep'..."

-------

I'm glad I don't use Karl Rove's version of math. I'd be overdrawn at the bank constantly.

Picking My Brain 06-11-07

It's Election Day 2006! VOTE! Thousands of people have died to preserve your right to vote, many of them not even in the military. Honor their memory! VOTE!

-------
George W Bush, on the campaign trail in 2004, courtesy of DubyaSpeakcom

And a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your Commander-in-Chief. -- Is he referring to his own invasion of Iraq here? Lititz, Pennsylvania, Oct. 27, 2004

And a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not the person you want as the Commander-in-Chief. -- History repeats in rapid succession... Vienna, Ohio, Oct. 27, 2004

-------

I'm scared. I'm pretty sure the Dems will take the House. I think the Senate is in reach. However, if when the votes are counted, the Republicans keep both Houses, then I will be absolutely certain that fraud was involved.

-------

Vote. Go ahead. You know you want to.

-------

Oil? Now President George W. Bush is saying that we need to make sure the terrorists don't hold the oil hostage to demands. I remember when he ridiculed all of us for saying the same thing.

-------

Joe Scarborough was laughing at the idea that the Republicans' hopes of keeping the Senate rested on Conrad Burns, the Republican senator from Montana, who once walked up to a bunch of tired, exhausted, out-of-state fire fighters and yelled at them. He then added, "I have nothing against Conrad Burns. Just - a little quirky." There you have it, folks, a glowing testimonial. Vote for John Tester.

-------

Ha ha! Florida's Republican Gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist snubbed the President and his brother today! Way to go, Charlie. Way to go.

-------

Pssst! Hey, bud. I'll let you in on a little secret. Wanna know what turns the ladies on? Go voting together.

-------

I see they let Pat Buchanan out of his little room. He was actually in the studio, in person, with Scarborough. Did everyone get their shots?

-------

Can someone from Virginia who supports Senator George Allen for re-election please explain to me why? I mean, do you understand how he looks to the rest of the country? Don't you think you could do better?

-------

I can't believe what I'm hearing on Chris Matthews' 10 PM Hardball Monday night. Harold Ford was doing really well in the polls until that stupid, disgusting, racist, ad came out, and he's been down ever since. I know people in Tennessee. You're better than that.

-------

Ladies, remember the old saying. If you don't vote, you can't be a bitch. :-) No, seriously, if you vote, then you're allowed to bitch. If you don't, then you can't. So go vote.

-------

Everyone. This is your chance to show the rest of the world how a country transfers power peacefully. Do it proudly. They really do envy us this right. It would be a shame if you didn't exercise the most cherished of human rights, one that many in the world cannot have; one that many have died to defend. Remember that, even if you forget to vote.

-------

Does anybody know what James Bath, a lifelong personal friend of and financial savior to President George W. Bush, has been up to since January 2001? He was very close to the Saudis and other Arab nations. What's his story? (As Wolf would say.)

-------

"Do we give the president a vote of confidence, or a boot in the backside?", asked Chris Matthews at the end of his program. Are those our only choices?

-------

Have I mentioned that it's Election Day? GO VOTE! Do not believe anyone who tries to tell you that it's been postponed or any such stupidity. That's not how we do this things in this country. Peace to all.

Picking My Brain 06-11-06

Killing someone, to demonstrate that killing someone will not be tolerated, is insane. It truly is.

-------

"Did you hear about the big accident today? Yeah, it was really gruesome. A number of Republicans running away from George Bush collided with a number of Democrats running away from John Kerry." -Jay Leno [No matter which side of the political aisle you're on, that was funny!]

-------

Saddam Hussein, found guilty in an Iraqi court of justice for crimes against humanity, was sentenced to death by hanging. Now that he is in custody, he poses a threat to no one. Killing him would neither prove nor prevent anything. I ask everyone, what good can come from killing him now? Is legalizing revenge civilized?

-------

I have come to the conclusion that when people don't know what the speed limit is, they just drive 45 MPH. It is not logical, but it often true.

-------

Tony Snow, doing it again, claiming that "the proper question" is, "Do you want America to win in Iraq?" This is a straw man and a diversionary tactic to deflect the respondent from the issue of whether or not the invasion of Iraq should have happened in the first place. Once the questioner concedes that the invasion was wrong for so many reasons, then I'll respond to his question.

-------

"Reverend" Ted Haggard has finally admitted that he has had, what he describes as, "a lifelong problem" with homosexuality. No, Ted. Your only "problem" is that you believed all that nonsense that you have saying about gay people all these years. It wasn't true then, it isn't true now, it won't be true tomorrow. Be yourself.

-------

Many times in recent weeks I've heard Venezuela described by the Bush supporters as a "threat". Venezuela may be a threat to the ideological fanaticism of the Bush Administration, but they are no threat to America. Let's be clear on that.

-------

Senator Lindsey Graham says that "Iran is run by a crazy guy." So is the U.S., Senator. So is the U.S.

-------

Scenes I'd Like to See: Wolf Blitzer, doing his "In Case You Missed It" segment on his Sunday politics show, with a big grin on his face, "An exclusive! After our interview, Lynne Cheney jumped my bones!"

-------

The Jets had a bye this week, so they won't be adding one to their loss column. Whew, dodged a bullet there.

-------

When I looked at Electoral-Vote.com this morning, I was heartened. It showed the Dems taking the Senate 50-49 (one tie), with an advantage in the House of 239-196. But I know this can, and likely will, change by Tuesday night. How much is what frightens me.

-------

Sen Elizabeth Dole was on MTP saying that the elections are not "national", but "a choice between two people." I have said it before and I will continue to say it. The two major political parties do not want you to even think about the existence of other political parties. They are enemies of true democracy. By the way, where's Sen Dole's "Mouth On/Off Switch"?

-------

Haven't got internet at home yet and I'll be taking Wednesday off, so if I post anything on Wednesday, it'll either be before anybody wakes up, or after everyone leaves the office. But I expect to have a few things ready to post by then. Just a little heads up. Don't want you to think I've been renditioned or anything. See ya real soon, kids.

Picking My Brain 06-11-05

Growing pains alert. (No, Kirk Cameron is not guest-blogging today.) I decided to shift things around a bit. I'm going to try limiting this column to short items and quips, and save the longer rants, speeches and comments for their own posts. We'll see how this works out.

-------

"A second plane hit the second tower. America is under attack." - Andrew Card, whispering in George W. Bush's ear on September 11, 2001. The president sat and did nothing for almost seven minutes.

-------

In CNN's "Broken Government, Where the Right Went Wrong" on Friday night, they showed a very edited clip of George W. Bush taking the oath of office saying, "I, George W. Bush, do solemnly swear that I will execute, so help me God." I thought at the time, "You sure did, didn't you?" If that's what he thought his job was, I can understand why he would think he was qualified. ("I've executed lots a times.")

-------

Can anyone produce the total dollar figure for how much you and I spent on all those idiotic, unnecessary, costly backdrops that accompanied virtually every single appearance by the President? Appearances, I might add, that were not open to you unless you either donated money and/or signed a "loyalty oath".

-------

Why do religious conservatives think they have the sole right to decide what is "good" and what is "evil"? For that matter, who does the President think he is to decide that? (No points for answering, "The Decider." Too easy.)

-------

"Laura Bush turns sixty on Saturday. George Bush said, marrying Laura was the smartest thing he ever did, and I think that's just about right." -David Letterman

-------

There are some states that issue driver's licenses valid for life (assuming you don't lose it for infractions). But to not conduct some kind of test even every ten tears (for, let's say, senility?) seems rather, I don't know, dangerous? Don't get me wrong, I am rather libertarian in my views, but not that libertarian. (Get the senile people off the road.)

-------

"Get out the vote on steroids." That's one of the Republicans' "themes" this election. They want people on steroids voting?

-------

Nevada has a ballot measure to legalize marijuana (up to one ounce.) It's losing right now 51%-42% with 7% undecided, but I think it's a good idea. Proponents want to legalize it, control the sale of it through licensing and tax it! Even if you oppose the use of it, just think about it. Hundreds of thousands of out-of-state tourists will come in and help pay for your government to function. They'll be paying taxes that otherwise you would have to pay. And you never have to buy a single ounce yourself. It's a win-win.

-------

If you have any problems voting on Tuesday, MSNBC says you should call the National Voter Hotline at 1-866-MYVOTE1.

-------

Tuesday, November 7, is Election Day. Vote Quimby!

Picking My Brain 06-11-03

yjuuuuuuu

My "son", Tippy, wrote today's opening for me. He's not a good speller, so I wish he wouldn't step on the keyboard while I'm writing this.
-------

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. - George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sep. 24, 2001

-------

When we debate whether to use some particuar prisoner interrogation technique (such as "waterboarding"), we often hit back at its supporters with, "Well if this were being done to an American held in an overseas prison, would you be okay with it?" Maybe we should ask them, "Just what interrogation techniques are you willing to accept on Americans held in an overseas prison? Just how much physical contact are you okay with? Why don't YOU tell US how far you will allow foreign interrogators to go with American citizens in their custody, then, and only then, can you talk about what you'll allow our people to do to others. Then we should do nothing worse than exactly the same thing. Now, still want to waterboard? It has already been condemned by the rest of the world as 'torture'."

-------

I like Michael J. Fox. Not only did he have a great comedic film career, but he has handled this whole Rush Limbaugh flap with incredible dignity, grace and class. And as he reminded Anderson Cooper last night, what Rush said and did is minor compared to what he's trying to do. He is going to go state to state if he has to trying to get people elected who will support all forms of stem cell research. Many, and I do mean many, of the opponents of embryonic stem cell research do so for some of the most ignorant reasons, chief among them that it would mean the destruction of the embryos. What they fail to acknowledge or understand is that the embryos upon which we would like to have research federally funded (so its results are by law available to everyone) would and could be destroyed at any time by the biological parents, and often are once a successful pregnancy (or the last one they want) has been achieved. Yet they aren't screaming to have that made illegal as loudly as they oppose the potentially life-saving, life-extending medicine that could be achieved. To date, every single argument against any kind of stem cell research that I have heard is either deceitful, fallacious or hypocritical. ANd besides, another thing they're forgetting to remind people is that they know what they know about this research because it's going on right now! Just because it's not federally funded, doesn;t mean it's not being done somewhere in the world. Other countries are years ahead of our scientists because their governments had the foresight tosee the vast potential this research holds. They're not going to let a bunch of religious zealots with no desire to live outside their anachronistic thinking dictate everyone else's lives. It's time we did the same thing in this country.

-------

Why are these conservative dipshits complaining about "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report"? They're comedies for crying out loud! They are not real news, and they make sure their viewers know that as often as possible. And if you haven't figured that out yet, you've got no business criticizing them. Why am I saying this to you? If you're reading this, two things: 1) You probably watch those shows and enjoy them as I do, and, 2) If not, who are you and what brought you here?

-------

I'm getting nervous. It's coming down to the wire. Election Day (which ought to be a federal holiday when federal offials are being elected) is just days away. Time for the infamous "72-hour strategy". This is supposed to be a well-timed operation. So why is President Bush going out and publicly saying that as long as he has a job, Rumsfeld has a job. (Did you hear that, Mr. Conyers?) How many votes was this ploy supposed to garner from the "undecideds"? And does this have anything to do with Rove's strategy, or did a highball glass shatter in his hand when the president announced that? So what will the "October in November Surprise" be?

-------

Lots to do today. I'll see if I can slip in over the weekend to post something, otherwise once I leave the office later day, I might not have anything until Monday. But do think long and hard about which candidates will better represent you in Congress. And you know what? If that candidate is not a Democrat or Republican, then you should consider that candidate even more. Gorwing up I used to hear in school about how great America was because we had "a two-party system." As I've gotten older, I've learned that the two major parties are teh ones who want it that way, not the people. The people want a diversity of opinion in Congress in order to produce the best ideas. The Dems and Repubs want to control things as much as possible by making every vote predictable. Don't fall into their trap. Find a candidate who is not from one of the two major parties and vote for him or her. The two major political aprties have not been working for you, so stop voting for them.

Picking My Brain 06-11-02

I've been up for nearly twenty hours, so as we see what we can pick out of my brain today, I'd wear gloves if I were you.

-------

"It's the first day of November sweeps, and I'm pregnant." - Stephen Colbert, opening to his 11/01/06 show

-------

What is wrong with Pat Buchanan? He was just blathering away on Scarborough last night and, well, I'm beginning to wonder if he ever leaves that room he's always talking from. He just seems so out of touch with real America. I don't really want to go into what he said last night because I would have to wait for the transcript to get it exactly right. I remember he began just about every answer with his hands going into his about-yea-big pose. After that, my eyes glazed, When his lips stopped moving I was able to re-focus. Why is he always squinting? He looks worried. Why does he always look so worried? Oh, yeah, because white people won't be the majority soon, and that scares the shit out of him.

-------

Somebody tell O'Reilly to just go away and shut the fuck up! He doesn't listen to me. He's going on to all these talk shows and brow-beating the hosts with his patented straw man, "Do you want America to win the war in Iraq or not?" Naturally if you don't immediately answer "Yes", he starts berating you. Letterman answered him perfectly when O'Reilly said, "It's a simple question, Dave." Dave said, "No it's not because I'm a thoughtful person." You see, O'Reilly lives in a fantasy world where everything is crystal clear and your path so obvious. It is not a reality-based world, the reality-based world has more colors and textures than O'Reilly's, as well as depth. Way more depth. O'Reilly doesn't like to dig deep into issues because his "gut feelings" would likely prove wrong too often. I won't say he'd be proven wrong every time, because he does from time to time come out on the right side of an issue. Like capital punishment. He opposes capital punishment. It's just that sometimes he arrives at the right answer but for the wrong reasons. Like capital punishment. He opposes it because it's not harsh enough. Maybe he prefers "near-fatal" punishment. For life. I don't know.

Katherine Harris? Spock called. He wants his eyebrows back. She is so obviously oblivious to her own obvious obliviousness. (huh?)
[Announcer: And now we'll get the call from head ref Mike Carey.
Head Referee Mike Carey: Upon further review, that sentence makes sense.]

-------

"We weren't in Iraq when they attacked us September 11, 2001." - George W. Bush, Campaigning on Oct 31, 2006.



Okay.



I'm still trying to understand what that means.



I think the "they" means "the terrorists".



So, no, of course we weren't in Iraq on September 11, 2001, unless you count the pilots enforcing the no-fly zones.



Unless, by "they" he meant "Iraq".



But Iraq didn't attack us September 11, 2001.



I'm still trying to understand what that means.



The audience seemed to enjoy the line; they applauded heartily.



I guess they understand him better than I do.



As my sister would say, "Jesus wept."

-------

It is WAY past my bedtime, and I have to get to sleep befo r e i fa l sdtigzlie

Picking My Brain 06-11-01

It's 10 PM. Do you kow where your beer-drinking, friend-shooting, publicly-lying, creepy-looking, Vice President is?

-------

"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." - George W. Bush, White House, Apr. 18, 2006 [So, he's hearing voices, eh?]

-------

"The Flintstones Chewable Vitamin" of news. That's how a guest on Joe Scarborough described "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "The Colbert Report." I have to go back through the transcripts because I haven't quite figured out whether or not Joe or his guests get these two great shows. They say they do, but then get all worried that they might have an effect on the election! So, what's wrong with that? As near as I can tell, the biggest problem that YOU have, Joe, is that you can't predict what that effect will be, and it scares the shit out of you.

-------

"The troops are plenty smart." - George W. Bush, while doing another freebie stump job on the campaign trail yesterday. Kerry had botched a joke, one which may or may not have been funny even if he got it right, but that's beside the point. He was on a roll, doing one-liners in the opening to his speech, and when he went into the whole "You get stuck in Iraq" thing, he left out the word "us". He went to say that the uneducated president and his henchmen (the "you") "get US stuck in Iraq." Whole nuther thing. So naturally, the Republicans ignore the corrections issued by Kerry and his people and keep accusing Kerry of saying that our troops are dumb. But our Yale-educated, Harvard MBA president set the record straight, "The troops are plenty smart." You think he could have found a more grammatically correct way of expressing that particular sentiment?

-------

So the Australians are all upset over the recent hilarious episode of
"South Park". Satan has decided that he wants to have the most awesome Sweet Sixteen Halloween party ever even though everything he wants to do has already been done by P Diddy. He lays down firm rules about who can get in and who can't, and one of them is that you have to have a costume. A minion approaches to tell him that someone dressed as Steve Irwin (famed Crocodile Hunter who died, tragically, in a freak accident) has shown up. Now here is where our good friends down under aren't getting the whole story, I think. Because Satan immediately says that this is wrong and that it's too soon for someone to be dressing up like Steve Irwin. Only it's the real Steve Irwin, so Satan kicks him out for not having a costume. That's all. Oh, and the fact that Irwin had a stingray barb sticking out of his chest might have been offensive (if they haqd actually seen it, which they won't 'til next year.

-------

So I finally sit down to read the book and who's the very first nominee? Willis Stephens! New York State Assemblyman Stephens was monitoring an online discussion group of 300 of his constituents. He sent the following e-mail to his assistant, "Just watching the idiots pontificate." Only he didn't send it to his assistant, he accidentally sent it to the 300 people involved in the online discussion. Faux pas! Republican Willis Stephens is MY New York State Assemblyman. Can you guess who I'm voting for on Tuesday? Can you? Because I don't even know his name and I'm voting for him. (Just kidding, it's Ken Harper. Go Ken!)

-------

More stuff later today (maybe after work, when I have time at the office to do this.) Until then, keep watching the skies!

Picking My Brain 06-10-31

"Wayne's Brain Pickings" - Cats can't tell the difference!

-------

"I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." - George W. Bush, White House, Apr. 18, 2006 [So, he's hearing voices, eh?]

-------

Instead of saying "We must reduce our dependence on foreign oil," I think it's time to start saying, "We must end our dependence on unsecure foreign oil". I think we should start framing the debate that way. Using the word "reduce" implies that total elimination is not the goal at all, even though we know it should be. But if all we talk about is merely "reducing" this dependence, then we are too mollified by pitiful reductions in this dependence. And make no mistake, at this point in time, we are dependent on foreign oil. If we talk about ending this dependence, then we become more accepting of the changes we know we must face. And it would make all those renewable energy ideas seem less crazy to some of the nay-sayers who worry about the cost. Given the long term benefits, such as surviving, among many other things, such as having children that survive, I think we might be willing to pay more for the energy we need.

Stop worrying about what the Capitalist Pigs think of the idea. They're stupid, because they're greedy and selfish and not at all interested in your best interests. If they're recommending a stock, it's because they profit from you buying it. I do not believe their denials. If the stock was such a great one, why wouldn't they be buying it? And if they're not buying it, then why not? These people view things through one and only one lens: Does it make me more money, or do I lose money? Nothing else matters to them. They have this very twisted idea that the "market" is where you find the "best" solutions. BULLSHIT! The "market" is only interested in profitable solutions. But what we may have to do will likely cost money and may not be a hugely profitable industry. That's too bad, because the current system MUST change. You know, when you go into business, you know up front that you are taking a risk. You could lose everything, but you could also make a lot of money. Some people make obscenely huge, unjustifiable, idiotic amounts of money. These lucky bastards literally make more money than they know what to do with. And the sad thing is that not only is it not enough for some of them, but that they become the role model for others. They become the dream. They become the ones put up as examples of why you should do this, because some day this could be you. Yeah, you and hundreds of millions of other people, so it's highly improbable that it's going to be you. But don't let that bother you.

While I was going through Air Force basic training down at Lackland Air Force Base way back in '83, I was having a hard time adapting to this whole "military thinking" thing. I do, after all, have a brain which I do, unlike many others, enjoy using. So this over-simplified "You've got to be smarter than the box, Schneider"-type thinking was really beginning to get to me. And then one day, I had an epiphany. The reason it sucked so much was because it was supposed to suck so much. That was the point! And what they wanted to know was how well you could adapt to that. Of course it was stupid. Folding your underwear and T-shirts so they were exactly six inches square (as measured with a ruler) was obviously nothing they would want you to be doing in the event of an actual war. (They would hope you would have more important things to think about. The ability to prioritize is also a valuable trait they look for in a recruit.) But the entire point was to make you do something mindless and stupid and to do it as accurately as you could. It was all a mind game, and that's why it sucked. As soon as I realized that, a great weight lifted off me, and I sailed throught he rest of basic training without any worries about how well I could handle the Air Force. They wanted to play mind games with me, and I felt was well armed for combat in that arena. Anyway, the point of this little story is that once you can accept the futility of fighting a situation, the pressure you feel is reduced tremendously. I'm not talking about giving in or giving up, I'm talking about accepting the reality. Instead of trying to eliminate this new unpleasantness, you accept its presence and figure out how you'll deal with it. I've come to realize that I'm never going to "strike it rich", and so my outlook is less clouded by the disappointment of not having "struck it rich" yet. Don't let the idea that some day you might also be one of those rich investors stop you from rejecting their attitude of solving the problems of the world solely through the "market." Dependence on unsecure foreign oil is costing us way more in the long run than mere cash. It will cost lives. It has to end. If making the planet habitable for humans everywhere means taking someone's obscene wealth until he has only his enormous wealth to sleep on at night, then I can live with myself if we have to take it from him.

-------

In twenty minutes or less, what the hell is wrong with Doctor Sen W. Frist? He actually claims that the Democrats want to raise your taxes and surrender to terrorists! First of all, I'm not surrendering to anyone, asshole! Not the terrorists, and not our government. But I repeat myself (to borrow from Mark Twain.) And second, taxes were irresponsibly cut too much, especially for the very wealthy. The rich people in this country neither needed nor deserved all those tax cuts they got. The president is lying when he attributes whatever strength in the economy he perceives to the tax cuts. It's bullshit, fallacious reasoning, like so many other excuses he gives. Democrats want to roll back the taxes on the wealthiest, and see how that helps. When you hear Bush saying to whatever crowd paid to see him (his campaign speeches these past couple of days have been freebies) that "the Democrats want to raise your taxes," it probably is technically accurate in that he's talking to a pre-screened crowd comprised of upper-income people, the kind of people who got over-generous tax cuts. But it's not true of everyone. The Democrats certainly don;t want to raise taxes on the poor, and anyone who says they do is lying. And if they hesitate to agree (as I imagine Frist would), then they're still lying, because it's obviously not true and they know it. And I'm not a Democrat, either, but I am smart enough to know that I am not safe under Republican policies.

Anyway, Jon Stewart had a good bit on this last night. He talked about the fictional Democrat of which Frist spoke, and they show a lawn sign for "Dumbfuck McDoesn'texist", and below that, two items "checked off", "Raise Your Taxes","Surrender to Terrorists". I swear, the politicians down in Washington really don't have a high opinion of us. And considering we send more than 95% of them back each time, can you argue with them?

-------

I've been having problems with my car recently (one reason I didn't run out and buy two computers for home) and I know it still doesn't run perfectly. I took my car in to get an oil change and inspection, and when the mechanic went out to get the car, I think I heard him groan when he first saw it. That's never good.

-------

The big day is one week away. Remember, if you don't vote, you can't bitch.

Picking My Brain 06-10-30

Now at 83% Customer Satisfaction in the latest JD Powers and Associates survey! Thanks, folks! I couldn't have done it without five out of six of you!

-------

“To announce there must be no criticism of the President, and to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, it is morally treasonous to the American public.”
– President Theodore Roosevelt

-------

I think I know why there are so many bad drivers out there. It's very simple. You don't have to know how to drive in order to get a license. And once you get your license, you don't have to learn how to drive in order to keep it. (It seems you mainly have to learn how not to get caught.) And those who do learn, look who's teaching them - their parents! Their parents aren't the best drivers in the world either, you know. Their parents are the bad drivers you see and do your best to avoid every day. And it looks like their multiplying! And teaching their kids to drive!!

I went to high school with a kid who was tall for his age, grew up on a farm, and drove tractors and pickups since he was, like, 12. When he went to get his license and the examiner told him to start the road test, he put his left hand on the roof of the car and palmed the steering wheel to pull out. The examiner said, "Stop! You failed." He was pretty pissed about that. But what other bad habits did he develop? The thing is, he re-scheduled his test, performed on his best behavior for the duration of the road test, and then started driving the way he had been (apparently for years, at the age of 16) once he got his license.

One of the things that I didn't like was that if you failed your road test you got a copy of the examiner's score sheet, so you can see why you failed and what you have to learn to do correctly. Makes sense. But if you passed (as I did), you don't get that sheet in the mail. You just get told that you passed and your license will be arriving in the mail within six weeks. You don't even get told how you scored, so if you did some things wrong and didn't realize it, you might just keep on doing those things wrong until you get into or cause an accident. I hope they've changed that in the almost thirty years since I got my license. Making progress sounds, I don't know, "progressive"?

I was lucky. My senior class was (at the time) the last one that would get Driver's Ed. And I was also fortunate to have a very good instructor (whose exact name escapes me, and I wouldn't want to get it wrong). To this day, I remember something he taught us that hit me in such a way that it became almost a mantra to me. He said, "When you look in your rearview mirror, just glance at it. Don't study it. If you're going to study it, you might as well turn around and look out the back window." I always think of that whenever I catch myself taking too much interest in what's going on behind me, instead of in front of me (where I'm headed.)

While stationed at Ramstein AB in West Germany, I discovered a whole different attitude toward driving, and a great deal of it makes sense. [Quick side note: Whenever I think about the fact that while I was there from '86-'88, it was still called "West" Germany (the Good Guys!). There was that Simpsons episode where Homer was thinking of buying a new car (a Yugo, perhaps?) and he asked where the car was made. The salesman said, "The country no longer exists." That's how I think of where I was last stationed in the Air Force. "The country no longer exists."] Anyway, their testing system to get a license is a hell of a lot harder than ours, and they have a lot of other great ideas, which I plan to talk about another time. Moving on...

-------

I'm still a little "miffed", shall we say, about what happened over the weekend with the blog host people who make this wonderful blog possible, when possible. It would be unfair to be "pissed" about being unable to publish anything or work on it for a day or so, because it is free and they handle a lot of things that beginners like me would be lost at having to do on our own. But it came back up right before I was about to give up and go home from the office yesterday, so I was able to post a few more things. I hope you like the new song parody. And that was Tippy as a little kitten, several years ago. I used that one because he still acts that way. And the blog seems to be working now, so happy days are here again. (Not counting Iraq; Afghanistan; Darfur; voting districts using electronic voting machines that produce no verifiable paper trail; climate change; stagnant wages; sexual predators in Congress; New Orleans still suffering; miners still unsafe; O'Reilly's still lying; habeas corpus eviscerated; no-bid-cost-plus contractors poisoning our troops; more than eight billion dollars under CPA control unaccounted for with impunity; over two trillion dollars unaccounted for but uninvestigated because it was it was announced September, 10, 2001 and by the next day it was "so September 10th"; hundreds of thousands of people fleeing economic hardship and a corrupt government into a neighboring country only to be put to work at pitiful wages doing jobs the local citizens don't like to do themselves; Republican chairs of committees and Democrats taking bribes, and who knows how many others there are since they decided not to investigate themselves much due to someone's ego; this has been the deadlist month for our troops in Iraq all year so it can't be getting better; that even I could have struck out looking with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth in Game 7; and there's a pathological liar with his finger on the button who thinks the voice in his head that told him to invade Iraq was God's and not Satan's). But my blog works again.

-------

So John Boehner thinks Donald Rumsfeld is the right man for the job. What job would that be, destroying the finest, best-equipped, best-trained fighting force in the history of the world? How can anyone find him unaccountable for his complete failure to achieve results? Virtually every pre-war assumption they made (except swiftly defeating the Iraqi Army, of which there ws never any doubt in anyone's mind, especially mine) turned out to be false, and he just acted like that was to be expected. Hey, Rummy! It's time to put your resignation in writing, hand it in, and walk out the door. You have long over-stayed your effectiveness. There is no other reason to stay. Your resignation is the only way you have left to serve your country.

-------

So, Congressman Roy Blount (Ferengi Party - MO, In charge of a Majority of the House's Whips), says that the survey saying 54% of Americsns have a negative view of the economy must be the media's fault. Why do these assholes equate a strong Dow Jones average with every American having a better life?

-------

If the Republicans somehow come out keeping both Houses of Congress this year, that alone would be proof that the vote was rigged. WE need to go back to paper ballots. Despite what some people may think, it is entirely possible to do it. It's not like one person has to count all 100,000,000+ votes cast. Each district will count a few thousand votes, and the election supervisors (whatever their titles) can hir enough people to do the counting in the larger districts. By the way, why are some voting districts so much larger than others? Paper ballots is the first step, but there is a great deal more to do about Election Reform, a topic I hope to be covering soon. I want to research this one, and nothing I write could do anything about this year's elections, but I would like to feel like I'm doing something about 2008. If you would like to learn more about the dangers of these new electronic voting machines, visit Black Box Voting.

-------

What is Rush Limbaugh's mental malfunction?

-------

I remember in the early days of HBO we used to get a guide with our cable bill. This was when I was in college living off-campus. When it came to decide what movies to watch, we had our own ratings system. A movie got one star for each warning they gave about the movie. So, a "four-star movie" was always one that contained violence, profanity, nudity, and sexual situations. They tended to be the ones we chose. You have to remember, this was around 1980. Regular TV fare was still pretty tame by today's standards. "Dynasty" was about the raciest thing on TV. Ah, those were the days.

-------

That's all for now. And don't forget to turn your clocks back if you haven't done so already. It's no coincidence there was no one on the highway when you left for work this morning.

Picking My Brain 06-10-29

If you're reading this blog for a living, you're at work now!

-------

"They haven't been right about one thing. That's one of the most amazing aspects of this, the Left hasn't been right about one aspect of this whole Iraq situation...they've not been right about what would happen in Iraq, they haven't been right about anything. And this is not pointed out by the mainstream press. The more wrong you are, the higher your stature is. It's amazing." -Rush Limbaugh, 4-21-03 [As it turns out, yes we were.]

-------

It occurs to me that we might not have so much hostility in this country toward people who don’t speak English if we Americans were more open-minded and intellectually curious enough to want to learn other languages. But since we have so many people who lack intellectual curiosity, they believe the solution is that other people learn to speak American English. (If they learned to speak the Queen’s English, too many Americans would still have trouble understanding them.) These ignorant people might argue, “Why should I have to learn to speak their language? Why can’t they just be made to learn English?” To this I would only say, “Why do you not want to learn new things?”

-------

Here's one of those random silly thoughts I get from time to time. I'm picturing George Stephanopoulos on a new Sunday morning talk show called "Talkin' Like Grups." He and his weekly coffee table of guests sit in large, oversized chairs so that his legs, and those of his regular guests Robert Reich and Madeleine Albright, dangle down. LIke I said. One of those random silly thoughts. After I do this for a while, I'm going to stop warning people that I'm saying one of those things. You'll just have to figure it out for yourself. It may not always be so obvious.

-------

Loved Keith Olbermann's Friday night newscast. (I noticed that he refers to it that way, and as I don't wish to offend him any further than I may have already by writing to him and calling it a "show", I will use that term from now on.) His #1 segment was a tribute to the death of (no, not Habeas Corpus, he did that one already) "Stay the Course." The president has retired the phrase. A satiric look, of course, but funny in that he started off showing the interview in which he said "We've never been stay the course." As happens so often when he talks, alert peoples' ears perked up (as did some of their dogs') and they said, "I'm sure I heard him say that at least a few times." (Even when people talk to themselves, they use italics. Strange, isn't it?) Then he showed Tony Snow defending the President (as is his job, which I believe he is only just coming to understand) and saying that they looked back and could only find about eight times when the President used "stay the course." So Keith showed those eight times that they probably found, along with at least 21 others they apparently didn't look too hard for. (DubyaSpeak.com has a list of 41 times.) So, in the end, they look like the buffoons they are for trying to think we're the idiots they clearly are.

-------

From an e-mail I got from The Rockridge Institute:

Staying the Course Right Over a Cliff
The Bush administration has finally been caught in its own language trap.

George Lakoff's new analysis of how George W. Bush and his administration have failed Framing 101--and why the Democrats may be missing a golden opportunity--is featured as an Op-Ed in today's New York Times. We invite you to read the article here.

We encourage you to take one more simple step, if you agree that the ideas in this article are worth sharing. While viewing the Op-Ed on the New York Times website, please click on the email link on that website to send it to a friend. Because The New York Times posts a list of the most emailed articles on its home page, emailing the article to a friend in this way will not only let your friend know about these important ideas, but also bring them to the attention of many more New York Times readers.

-------

I think I'm going to start writing about driving, and how many people do not seem to understand the concept behind it. I once heard that in a survey, something like 85% of the people thought that they were "better than average" drivers. This is, of course, mathematically impossible. More than half the people cannot be better than half the people. Yet when I drive out on the roads, it seems to me that more than half the drivers are worse than half the drivers. I'll save the bulk of it for another post (or "feature"), but let me leave you with one very simple rule for driving on any multiple lane highway: If you want to drive the same speed as the car in the lane next to you, then get in the goddamn lane next to you.

-------

So an analysis was done that showed that red cars are no more likely statistically to be ticketed on the highway than any other color car. If true, then do car insurance companies still justify charging more for insurance on red cars? You may not be more likely to get a ticket driving a red car than any other, but you are 73.2% more likely to be ticketed if there are live birds pecking at your car as you drive down the highway. True fact.

-------

Bill O'Reilly was a guest on Letterman Friday night and it was great! Letterman did to O'Reilly what O'Reilly does to his guests. He dominated the conversation and gave O'Reilly little chance to coherently respond. At certain points, I saw O'Reilly stop, close his eyes, turn his face downward a bit as if to take a deep breadth, and try to calmly say something. (I saw him do that same look during the Jeremy Glick interview, the young man whose Port Authority-employed father was killed on 9/11.) He was clearly getting agitated and Letterman knew it! At one point O'Reilly tried to go off on a rant and made the mistake of saying, "You call Bush an evil liar..." and Dave interrupts to say, "I didn't say we were a bad country, I didn't say he was an evil liar. You're putting words in my mouth, just the way you put artificial facts in your head." At one point O'Reilly tried to justify his validity as a knowledgeable source by pointing out his ratings. (Apparently O'Reilly forgets that millions of people CAN be wrong, and often are.) And as Letterman was getting in all these great digs, O'Reilly kept (mockingly) re-assuring the audience, "We're actually good friends. This is just an act." Letterman let him repeat that remark several times without commenting on it, either confirming or denying, which means it wasn't true. Letterman ended the interview with, "Well, I don't know what I'm talking about and I suspect you don't either." If, like me, you're a dislike O'Reilly, then you might enjoy Lying Man.

-------

I've been having trouble with this blog the past few days, but I understand others have, too. I also posted another song parody right before I posted this one, so it should appear below. This one is about what the detainee's might be going through down at GTMO. The tune is The Loving Spoonful's "You Didn't have To Be So Nice." I hope you enjoy it. If the song didn't make it to the blog, I will make sure it does soon (somehow.) I like it.

-------

That's all for now. I may or may not get down to the office to post stuff again until Monday. Have a good weekend.

Picking My Brain 06-10-27

You are picking Wayne's brain.

Finders keepers.

-------

"You ain't drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on." - Jerry Lewis

-------

I guess there are times when Joe Scarborough and I agree. They just finished airing a report about casinos in Las Vegas and how much money they take in from each dollar played for certain games. For some the casino kept as much as 20 cents out of every dollar, but for slots the figure was a low 6 cents. And yet those slot machines (those thousands of slot machines that you see in them) bring in more revenue than all the other casino operations combined. They are what drives the whole casino operation more than the celebrities or the card and gaming tables. The report finished and I said, "Wow". Joe Scarborough raised his eyebrows and said, "Wow". (I better start checking the Book of Revelations to see if this is in there.)

-------

Tippy's going mentally irregular again. Something tells me he's going to be trouble tonight. I've got to find that "off" switch on him.

-------

I wish TV producers would be a little more alert to what their network is doing when running a live show. Scarborough is doing his show from Las Vegas (I won't speculate on his motives). They've been using various Las Vegas-themed songs (including Elvis Presley's "Viva, Las Vegas!") as "bumpers" (as I think the term is called, the music going to and returning from commercials). So they're doing their news recap and it ends with, "Five more soldiers were killed in Iraq today bringing the monthly total to 96, making it the deadliest month of the year." And then right away they come back with "Viva, Las vegas! Viva, Las Vegas!" I thought it a little on the insensitive side. Could you try to coordinate these things a little better, guys?

-------

Apparently Kevin Federline thinks that he's figured out how you know you've gotten through the toughest part of a relationship. He says that he's no longer embarrassed to buy feminine hygiene products for his wife. Once you've gotten through that, "you're through." Through what, Kevin? The first month?

-------

Here's a question failed Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld can ask himself the next time he takes over a press conference. (He emphatically took responsibility for the failures in Iraq.) If asked why he should still remain in his position, he would undoubtedly answer that he serves at the pleasure of the President and that if the President wanted him out, he would be out. (He claims to have offered his resignation twice and it was refused. He did not say if it was offered in writing.)

So, Mr. Secretary, your question for yourself is, "Would you trust the judgment of any President who would accept such failures from his Secretary of Defense?" And no, you cannot rephrase this question to yourself.

-------

"You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps me fire you." - Stephen Colbert, opening to last night's repeat of The Colbert Report

-------

I'm going to stop this here while I go work on a couple of things that are turning out too long for this segment of our show. Tune in again next time when we hear our 72-year-old Aunt Louise turn to her canary and say, "Can you help me with my Medicare Prescription Drug Coverage forms?"