Saturday, April 05, 2008

Joke Time: Classic Hollywood Squares

These are actual questions and answers from the old, original days of Hollywood Squares. Some of you out there remember. If you do, I guarantee you'll get a good laugh out of these. And, of course, Peter Mashall asked the questions. Enjoy.




Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I loved that show. And the Match Game.

Great comedy gold right there....

~Zooey

Anonymous said...

My mom had a paperback with all these Q&A's (it had a purple cover). Thanks for the mems.


KiP

Buy Generic Viagra said...

I do not usually like to read anything, but after I got to hear about your articles from my friends, It instigated me to read and now I know that my friends were true and I am happy to have followed what my friends said to me.

maldives tourism said...

This blog is a good one! Its original, thanks for the info! Is there a way I can tell my people about this post.

electronic cigarette said...

The good enough article of I is very interesting. Prices on placing of the buttons are different but everybody chooses that to him it is comfortably and that answers his necessities and possibilities.

custom essay writers said...

Great post from an expert and it will be a great knowledge to us and thank you very much for sharing this valuable information with us.

video chat said...

Thank you for making this site very interesting! Keep going! You're doing very well!

asp.net hosting said...

Thank you for making this site very interesting! Keep going! You're doing very well!

asp.net hosting said...

Hey! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information.

free music download sites said...

This is my first time comment at your blog.Good recommended website.

help with my hw said...

Nice and very informative. I am studying this problem and I must say that your article has helped me a lot.

tadacip buy said...

Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.Keep up the good work!

Garry said...

The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever.

vinyl decals said...

I will recommend my friends to read this. I will bookmark your blog and have my children check up here often

online help with math said...

Very it is sorry that has to be moved! But as the saying goes motion it is better what stagnation! And it is not important in what side! online help with math

russell miller said...

These photos are amazing! I watched them all day long and I am bewitched by their beauty. Waiting for new photos of your authorship!

Unknown said...

Don't lose your opportunity to get a great mark. Check www.essayservice.info. There you'll find all important information.

hallsarah204@gmail.com said...

I enjoyed reading this conversation! Many thanks for sharing! Our writing editing services is open 24/7 to help all those in need with their elementary or complicated academic writings!

MBA Dissertation said...

Great Article. i read every post in this blog.

Sports Dissertation/
Finance Dissertation/

Subject Essay Writing said...

Very worthwhile piece of writing, thank you for the post.

essay editing services
program essay writing

Unknown said...

What's up, well put together webpage you've here.
Buy generic viagra online ed cure

write essay for me cheap said...

Thanks i like your blog very much , i come back most days to find new posts like this.